Emotional First Aid
Surviving an Emotional Crisis
Peggy Elam, Ph.D.

The following suggestions are offered in the spirit of support and self-care during emotional crises. Please keep in mind that whatever you're feeling may be natural given your circumstances, the loss or trauma you've experienced, and your personal history.

Nothing here is intended to imply that there is anything wrong with your feelings....
or to take the place of professional care when that may be helpful.

Psychologist Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. recommends radically accepting your emotions. Rather than judging whatever you feel, allow yourself to experience the feeling and let it pass.

Resisting or rejecting our emotions — especially those we consider "ugly" or unacceptable, like envy, hate, jealousy, or bitterness — tends to make those emotions persist. The only way they can exit is through our awareness. Criticizing ourselves for what we feel only makes us feel worse, and may add another layer of distress on top of whatever is troubling us.

Do not necessarily act on intense emotions. Even the worst of your feelings will not directly hurt you, but behaviors or actions can cause harm to yourself or others. If you are feeling angry or destructive toward yourself or others, let yourself feel those emotions and release them without acting upon them. If you find it difficult to refrain from acting upon your feelings in ways that hurt yourself or others, consider consulting with a professional who can help you develop emotion management skills.

Think of feelings as waves that will peak and pass. Remind yourself that feelings themselves will not harm you, and that even the most intense emotional feeling will eventually wane.

Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.

Sit quietly and examine what you're feeling. If it helps, write down, draw, sculpt, or otherwise creatively depict how you're feeling. Researchers have found that people who were instructed to write about distressing experiences for 20 minutes or so at a time, two or three times a week, improved their physical health as well as their emotional well-being.

Find or create meaning or purpose in what you're experiencing. Draw upon your spiritual values, or seek out new values with which you resonate.

Pray or meditate. Open your heart (with discernment) to a larger perspective and inner guidance.

Focus on your breathing (rather than what you're thinking or feeling) for at least a minute (five would be better!) when feeling upset. Gradually try to deepen and slow down your breathing. It may help to rest your hands on your belly to draw attention to that area of your body; when the respiratory diaphragm (the dome-shaped muscle separating the thoracic and abdominal cavities) is moving freely, the belly will gently expand as we inhale.

If you suffer from panic or anxiety attacks, learn relaxation techniques and deep breathing exercises and practice them regularly. Decrease (or eliminate) consumption of caffeine and other stimulants.

If helpful when experiencing anxiety or anger, engage in safe exercise/movement or activity to help discharge some of the energy associated with the feelings. That might mean walking, running, lifting weights, chopping wood, dancing, or gardening.

If you're having trouble sleeping because of worries or nightmares, consider not watching television newscasts or programs in the evening, especially before bedtime, if they upset or depress you. It may also help to avoid frightening or worrisome books or other material right before bedtime.

Make a journal or scrapbook of happy experiences, things (or people) for which you're thankful, and jokes, cartoons, and stories that make you laugh or inspire you. Look through the book or journal when you're feeling down. Work on it in the evenings before you go to sleep, so your last waking thoughts are of joy, pleasure, gratitude, and laughter.

Shore up — or build — the foundation of your emotional well-being by taking care of yourself physically. Eat well, nourishing yourself with a variety of foods. Get enough sleep — go to bed earlier, sleep later, or take naps if you need to. Move your body regularly in ways you enjoy, whether that be walking, gardening, dancing, yoga, or weight-lifting — whatever works for you.

Eliminate mood-altering drugs and alcohol, both of which can interfere with natural emotional growth and healing. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant; even if you are not drinking excessively, the ingestion of beer, wine, or liquor may increase any depression you are experiencing. WARNING: Stop psychiatric medications only under medical guidance. Abruptly stopping some anti-anxiety medications can be life-threatening.

Some people experience withdrawal and/or "rebound" symptoms when they stop — or decrease the dosages of — psychiatric drugs. For more on this problem, read Your Drug May Be Your Problem by Peter Breggin, M.D. & David Cohen, Ph.D., Prozac Backlash by Joseph Glenmullen, M.D., or Benzo Blues by Edward H. Drummond, M.D.)

Do something every day that makes you feel competent.

Engage in at least one pleasurable activity every day.

When you want a break from overwhelming feelings, consider temporarily distracting yourself with:

      Activities

     Contributing something to someone in need (volunteering, helping out a friend, etc.)

     Evoking the opposite emotions through books, movies, music.
     See a comedy. Read a funny book. Listen to uplifting music.

     Imagining in front of you a container big enough to hold whatever you're feeling.
      Take a deep breath and exhale, breathing into that imaginary container whatever you wish
     to temporarily put away.

     You can also imagine breathing and releasing your feelings into the universe, the
      light, or the hands of God or your spiritual guidance — whatever seems right to you. Ask
     and/or intend that the feelings be kept where they belong and only returned to you in the
     time and manner that is most appropriate for your healing.

Soothe yourself through each of the five senses:

     Vision:

     Surround or expose yourself to beautiful things or views

     Hearing:

     Music or the sounds of nature

     Smell:

     Perfumes, potpourri, essential oils, spices, baking & cooking, flowers & other aromas of nature

     Touch:

     Bubble bath, massage, hugs, stroking a pet, wearing clothes that feel good

     Taste:

     Good food, delicious and/or soothing beverages

Be fully present in the moment. Focus your entire attention on what you're doing.

Take a mini-vacation. Get in bed and pull the covers over your head for 20 minutes. Rent a room for a day or two. Read trashy/escapist fiction. Sit in the park for an afternoon. Unplug the phone for a day or let the answering machine take calls.

Be your own coach or cheerleader. Encourage yourself in radical self-care and emotional healing in whatever way works best for you.

Remember those you love, and who love you. If you can't think of any human being you love or who loves you, think of pets or other animals — get one if you don't already have one. And begin widening your life and the scope of your heart to include people who care about you and treat you with love and respect.

If you feel overwhelmed and unable to manage your feelings when you sit with them, or feel urged to engage in behavior destructive to yourself or others, distract yourself temporarily from the feelings (and urges) by becoming involved in some safe, enjoyable activity, and contact a professional to learn additional emotion coping skills.

If you're feeling suicidal, try calling the National Hopeline Network's 1-800-SUICIDE hotline (in the U.S.) at any time 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You will be connected to a crisis line in your area.
 

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