The Queen's Proclamation




February 2008
News, updates, & pronouncements from Pat Ballard,
the Queen of Rubenesque Romances

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. 
Eleanor Roosevelt

Something to think about....

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am―I am filled with humidity."

Gib Lewis, Speaker of the Texas House

After spending the past few days thinking about a politician who tried to pass a stupid bill/law in Mississippi―more in the "Weighty Matters" section―I just felt the need to laugh. So here are some "stupid laws" that are still on the books.

I could only use a few for sake of room, but I've included the link to the rest of them. Enjoy! But remember―we still have politicians who are trying to come up with more stupid laws.


You may not drive barefooted.

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.


Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.


Hunting camels is prohibited.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

You may not have more than two dildos in a house.


The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.


Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Women may not drive in a housecoat.

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.


It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.

Private citizens may personally arrest any person whodisturbs a church service.

It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.

And finally,


Hollow logs may not be sold.

More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

No Christian parent may require their children to pick up trash from the highway on Easter day.

Driving is not to be done while asleep.

The definition of “dumb animal” includes every living creature.

Skunks may not be carried into the state.

And for more stupid laws:

A Word From Pat

I hope everyone had a great January. How are the new year's resolutions going? Out the window? I know, I know, I'm a real hoot, aren't I?

I'm feeling much better, I'm happy to say. I'm actually getting anxious to be back to writing. I think the anesthesia had put the muse to sleep! I've had no desire to read or write. But that's all coming back.

I've started my next fiction book and am beginning to put together some notes for my next nonfiction. I'm also getting psyched up about 10 Steps To Loving Your Body (No Matter What Size You Are) being out in 2008.

I even kept my grandchildren a couple of weeks ago. Their parents told them that I still didn't feel real good, so if I said I didn't feel like playing something to let me rest. Shaun was very patient with me. He was very good about sitting and playing with his Legos or coloring.

Kayla was good, too, but at one point she brought me a doll and she had one, too. And she said, "Okay, you be the mommie and I'll be the daughter." Now, I know what this game consists of, so I said, "Mimi doesn't feel like playing this game," and tried to hand my doll back to her.

She said in her most sarcastic five-year-old voice, "Well, can't you at least hold it?"

So I held my doll cradled in one arm, while I colored with Shaun.

Everyone have a wonderful February.



Visit Pat's Place at | Write me at

New from Pearlsong Press:
Pat's new Romantic Suspense novel,
The Best Man

Sparks fly the night Lana Clarke meets to plan her sister's wedding―and not just because curvaceous Lana announces she's stopped dieting and doesn't care if she's fat as maid of honor.

The strong-willed sister of the bride attracts the attention of the groom's devastatingly handsome best man, Anthony Angelino. But when the sparks become flames, Lana's in trouble.

Tony's first wife died mysteriously. Will Lana be next?

Read an excerpt online  | More info at the Pearlsong Press website.

Links About The Queen & Her Books

Pat's Place website
The Queen's Blog
About Pat Ballard
Dangerous Curves Ahead
The Best Man
Abigail's Revenge
Wanted: One Groom
Nobody's Perfect
His Brother's Child
A Worthy Heir
Pearlsong Press blog posts about Pat

Weighty Matters

Recently Mississippi State Representative W.T. Mayhall, Jr. introduced a bill with co-authors Reps. John Read and Bobby Shows as below:

House Bill 282

"An act to prohibit certain food establishments from serving food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health; to direct the department to prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese and to provide those materials to the food establishments; to direct the department to monitor the food establishments for compliance with the provisions of this act; and for related purposes. Be it enacted by the legislature of the state of Mississippi."

Then the bill went on to further break down the guidelines.

By now some of you have probably heard of this fiasco, since it hit national and international news. Several of the people on the "Show Me The Data" egroup immediately faxed Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi and Rep. Mayhall. The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) wrote a press release denouncing the bill.

Peggy Elam, founder and president of Pearlsong Press, sent an email to The Clarion Ledger, Mississippi's largest daily newspaper, where she had worked for several years as a reporter. She also faxed Governor Barbour. Others in the Health At Every Size/fat acceptance community faxed or called.

I faxed both of Gov. Barbour and Rep. Mayhall, then spent Monday emailing the NAAFA press release to 53 Mississippi newspapers. I sent "the call" out to my sister, Ellen, and several cousins in MS so they could jump on the bandwagon.

For sake of space I can't go into all the stink this bill caused, but I can proudly report that as of yesterday, the Clarion Ledger reported that the bill was dead. (See the newspaper article here.)

But Rep. Mayhall still doesn't "get" the reason people were so outraged by the bill. "You take food away from fat gosh," Mayhall said.

It's exciting to know that if enough people cause enough stink, we can still make a difference! Don't ever be afraid to make your voice heard, no matter what the subject is about.

Reader Review of the Month

Editor's Note: We're now featuring reader reviews of Pat's books in
The Queen's Proclamation. Post a review at an online bookstore, magazine, or public website and email us at proclamation @ to let us know, and we'll consider yours for inclusion in The QP

This month's Reader Review of Nobody's Perfect was posted by Linda C. Wisniewski on

A few years ago, the editor-in-chief of a well-known publishing house gave a speech at our chamber of commerce's annual dinner for women in business. She "confessed" that reading romance novels is her favorite form of stress relief. Her talk was so convincing, I vowed to give them a second look. Okay, maybe a third, fourth or fifth look. Let's face it. Romance novels do not have a good reputation among "serious" readers and writers. They're not "literary," whatever that means. And the covers feature shirtless Fabio look-alikes embracing beautiful women in various stages of undress. Our public library shelves them in a separate section and places hot pink stickers on their spines, lest a hapless browser pick one up by mistake. The stickers also identify them to their legions of female fans, who must know something.

I enjoyed that editor's speech, but I still didn't read romance novels, until I heard about Pat Ballard's books. She calls them "motivational romances" with Big, Beautiful Heroines. Curious, I picked up a copy of Nobody's Perfect and spent several hours intrigued and enthralled.

In the novel, the love interests are Nella Covington and Samuel L. duCannon. Are those perfect names for a romance or what? Nella is a young woman in her mid-twenties who has long since given up trying to be thin. She takes good care of herself, eats healthy foods and exercises. The women in her family were heavy and she is no exception. But Nella goes beyond just accepting herself. In this novel, she uses her size to her advantage.

We see her save a child from drowning by using her strong arms and skillful swimming. She helps a young wife frustrated by constant dieting make herself over with makeup, a new hairdo and clothes, without losing a single pound. When the woman worries she might go back to feeling discouraged about gaining weight, Nella gives her a gentle pep talk. "You see what you can be if you want to, and it's your decision whether you spend your days looking your best, or looking your worst. That's a decision we all have to make each day. You're no different than anyone else."

Of course, romance novels have a predictable formula. That's why so many women love them; it's reassuring to know the good characters will win. After a few adventures and problems, the heroine always gets the good guy, and this book delivers that, too. But first, we have evil in-laws, a family home in jeopardy and a little boy who needs a mother. Nowhere does Nella play the helpless female. She is strong yet vulnerable, powerful yet seductive.

And Pat Ballard sure knows how to write a good sex scene. Be forewarned: this story is definitely rated R, and the heroine's large size adds to her attractiveness. What a switch from the message aimed at women in magazines and television!

Although the ending was pre-ordained (remember, it's a romance novel), I didn't guess how the author would wrap it up. I lost myself in the story and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. In other words, I had fun. If you read Nobody's Perfect, I predict you will, too. I also predict you will be left with some very thought-provoking ideas about what our society's ideal body image does to every woman's self-esteem.

(Previously published at

Communicate with Pat via her "Amazon Connect" blog on!

Pat's romantic suspense novel Abigail's Revenge is featured on the Beautiful Portal website:
and has been reviewed by AmaZe eMag:

 An article on Pat has been posted at:
And an EP Extra review of Abigail's Revenge is posted at 

Look for an interview with Pat on Lonnie Cruse's blog at

Calendar of Events

New from Pearlsong PressPat's latest Romantic Suspense, The Best Man.

See to order. Read an excerpt online at

Hear―and see―Pat on the air at Radio Free Nashville! Listen to or download the mp3 recording of Pat's Jan. 28, 2008 guest appearance on the Health At Every Size show with Dr. Peggy Elam on WRFN Radio Free Nashville by going to

Pat regularly guests on Radio Free Nashville's Health At Every Size show, which airs every Monday morning. She's usually in the studio on the fourth Monday of every month. The show is streamed live over the Internet 10-11 a.m. CST Mondays .

Listen to the live broadcasts over the Internet at You can also listen to the live broadcasts through your telephone via UPSNAP.COM. It's free for wireless internet enabled phones, but there's a small monthly charge for other phones. See the Health At Every Size show website or the Radio Free Nashville website for details. Davidson County, Tennessee residents can also hear the show live through the Secondary Audio Programming of Comcast cable's Channel 10.

For more on the show, check out the show blog at You can also listen to or download recordings of some of the shows, including several with Pat, at

You can still hear the taped radio shows from Size Matters with Veronica, WCRS Radio, on Pat's website.

Show #1 discusses Pat's romance novels

Show #2 discusses women of size and their sexuality

And check out the photos from the Nov. 6, 2004 Mississippi Authors Festival that are online at The Queen's Proclamation blog and The Pearlsong Letter blog. (Click on the Mississippi Authors Festival link under the "Photo Albums" heading in the lefthand column of either blog to view the photos.) While you're visiting, post a comment on the blog!

Give someone a good read as well as support in loving themselves.
Pat's books make great gifts!


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The Queen's Proclamation is published by Pearlsong Press.
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