News, updates, &
pronouncements from Pat Ballard,
the Queen of Rubenesque Romances
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your consent.
Something to think
"I cannot tell you how
grateful I am―I am filled with humidity."
Gib Lewis, Speaker of the Texas House
After spending the past
few days thinking about a politician who tried to pass a stupid bill/law
in Mississippi―more in the "Weighty Matters" section―I just felt the need
to laugh. So here are some "stupid laws" that are still on the books.
I could only use a few
for sake of room, but I've included the link to the rest of them. Enjoy!
But remember―we still have politicians who are trying to come up with more
You may not drive barefooted.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a
lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose
of taking a photograph is prohibited.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Hunting camels is prohibited.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern,
school, or place of worship.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle,
unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a housecoat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.
A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.
Private citizens may personally arrest any person whodisturbs a church
It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
Hollow logs may not be sold.
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would
constitute a brothel.
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
No Christian parent may require their children to pick up trash from the
highway on Easter day.
Driving is not to be done while asleep.
The definition of “dumb animal” includes every living creature.
Skunks may not be carried into the state.
And for more stupid laws:
Word From Pat
I hope everyone had a
great January. How are the new year's resolutions going? Out the window? I
know, I know, I'm a real hoot, aren't I?
I'm feeling much better, I'm happy to say. I'm actually getting anxious to
be back to writing. I think the anesthesia had put the muse to sleep! I've
had no desire to read or write. But that's all coming back.
I've started my next
fiction book and am beginning to put together some notes for my next
nonfiction. I'm also getting psyched up about 10 Steps To Loving
Your Body (No Matter What Size You Are) being out in 2008.
I even kept my grandchildren a couple of weeks ago. Their parents told
them that I still didn't feel real good, so if I said I didn't feel like
playing something to let me rest. Shaun was very patient with me. He was
very good about sitting and playing with his Legos or coloring.
Kayla was good, too, but
at one point she brought me a doll and she had one, too. And she said,
"Okay, you be the mommie and I'll be the daughter." Now, I know what this
game consists of, so I said, "Mimi doesn't feel like playing this game,"
and tried to hand my doll back to her.
She said in her most sarcastic five-year-old voice, "Well, can't you at
least hold it?"
So I held my doll cradled in one arm, while I colored with Shaun.
Everyone have a wonderful February.
Visit Pat's Place at
www.patballard.com | Write me at
from Pearlsong Press:
Pat's new Romantic Suspense novel,
The Best Man
Sparks fly the night Lana Clarke meets to plan her sister's wedding―and
not just because curvaceous Lana announces she's stopped dieting and
doesn't care if she's fat as maid of honor.
The strong-willed sister of the bride attracts the attention of the
groom's devastatingly handsome best man, Anthony Angelino. But when the
sparks become flames, Lana's in trouble.
Tony's first wife died
mysteriously. Will Lana be next?
Read an excerpt
online | More info at the
Pearlsong Press website.
About The Queen & Her Books
Pat's Place website
The Queen's Blog
About Pat Ballard
Dangerous Curves Ahead
The Best Man
Wanted: One Groom
His Brother's Child
A Worthy Heir
Pearlsong Press blog posts about Pat
Recently Mississippi State Representative W.T. Mayhall, Jr. introduced a
bill with co-authors Reps. John Read and Bobby Shows as below:
House Bill 282
"An act to prohibit certain food establishments from serving food to any
person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department
of Health; to direct the department to prepare written materials that
describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is
obese and to provide those materials to the food establishments; to direct
the department to monitor the food establishments for compliance with the
provisions of this act; and for related purposes. Be it enacted by the
legislature of the state of Mississippi."
Then the bill went on to further break down the guidelines.
By now some of you have probably heard of this fiasco, since it hit
national and international news. Several of the people on the "Show Me The
Data" egroup immediately faxed Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi and
Rep. Mayhall. The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA)
wrote a press release denouncing the bill.
Peggy Elam, founder and president of Pearlsong Press, sent an email to
The Clarion Ledger, Mississippi's largest daily newspaper, where she
had worked for several years as a reporter. She also faxed Governor
Barbour. Others in the Health At Every Size/fat acceptance community faxed
both of Gov. Barbour and Rep. Mayhall, then spent Monday emailing the
NAAFA press release to 53 Mississippi newspapers. I sent "the call" out to
my sister, Ellen, and several cousins in MS so they could jump on the
For sake of space I can't go into all the stink this bill caused, but I
can proudly report that as of yesterday, the Clarion Ledger reported that
the bill was dead. (See the newspaper article
Mayhall still doesn't "get" the reason people were so outraged by the
bill. "You take food away from fat people...my gosh," Mayhall said.
It's exciting to know that if enough people cause enough stink, we can
still make a difference! Don't ever be afraid to make your voice heard, no
matter what the subject is about.
Reader Review of the
We're now featuring reader reviews of Pat's books in
The Queen's Proclamation.
Post a review at an online
bookstore, magazine, or public website and email us at proclamation @
pearlsong.com to let us know, and we'll consider yours for inclusion
in The QP.
This month's Reader Review of Nobody's Perfect was posted by
Linda C. Wisniewski on Amazon.com.
A few years ago, the
editor-in-chief of a well-known publishing house gave a speech at our
chamber of commerce's annual dinner for women in business. She "confessed"
that reading romance novels is her favorite form of stress relief. Her
talk was so convincing, I vowed to give them a second look. Okay, maybe a
third, fourth or fifth look. Let's face it. Romance novels do not have a
good reputation among "serious" readers and writers. They're not
"literary," whatever that means. And the covers feature shirtless Fabio
look-alikes embracing beautiful women in various stages of undress. Our
public library shelves them in a separate section and places hot pink
stickers on their spines, lest a hapless browser pick one up by mistake.
The stickers also identify them to their legions of female fans, who must
I enjoyed that editor's speech, but I still
didn't read romance novels, until I heard about Pat Ballard's books. She
calls them "motivational romances" with Big, Beautiful Heroines. Curious,
I picked up a copy of Nobody's Perfect and spent several
hours intrigued and enthralled.
In the novel, the love interests are Nella
Covington and Samuel L. duCannon. Are those perfect names for a romance or
what? Nella is a young woman in her mid-twenties who has long since given
up trying to be thin. She takes good care of herself, eats healthy foods
and exercises. The women in her family were heavy and she is no exception.
But Nella goes beyond just accepting herself. In this novel, she uses her
size to her advantage.
We see her save a child from drowning by
using her strong arms and skillful swimming. She helps a young wife
frustrated by constant dieting make herself over with makeup, a new hairdo
and clothes, without losing a single pound. When the woman worries she
might go back to feeling discouraged about gaining weight, Nella gives her
a gentle pep talk. "You see what you can be if you want to, and it's your
decision whether you spend your days looking your best, or looking your
worst. That's a decision we all have to make each day. You're no different
than anyone else."
Of course, romance novels have a predictable
formula. That's why so many women love them; it's reassuring to know the
good characters will win. After a few adventures and problems, the heroine
always gets the good guy, and this book delivers that, too. But first, we
have evil in-laws, a family home in jeopardy and a little boy who needs a
mother. Nowhere does Nella play the helpless female. She is strong yet
vulnerable, powerful yet seductive.
And Pat Ballard sure knows how to write a
good sex scene. Be forewarned: this story is definitely rated R, and the
heroine's large size adds to her attractiveness. What a switch from the
message aimed at women in magazines and television!
Although the ending was pre-ordained
(remember, it's a romance novel), I didn't guess how the author would wrap
it up. I lost myself in the story and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of
it. In other words, I had fun. If you read Nobody's Perfect,
I predict you will, too. I also predict you will be left with some very
thought-provoking ideas about what our society's ideal body image does to
every woman's self-esteem.
(Previously published at
Communicate with Pat
via her "Amazon Connect" blog on Amazon.com!
Pat's romantic suspense novel Abigail's Revenge is featured on the Beautiful
and has been reviewed by AmaZe eMag:
An article on Pat has been
And an EP Extra review of Abigail's Revenge is posted at
Look for an interview with Pat on Lonnie Cruse's blog at
Calendar of Events
New from Pearlsong Press—Pat's
latest Romantic Suspense, The Best Man.
http://www.pearlsong.com/thebestman.htm to order. Read an excerpt
Hear―and see―Pat on
the air at Radio Free Nashville! Listen to or download the mp3
recording of Pat's Jan. 28, 2008 guest appearance on the Health
At Every Size show with Dr. Peggy Elam on WRFN Radio Free Nashville
by going to
Pat regularly guests on Radio Free Nashville's
Health At Every Size show, which airs every Monday morning.
She's usually in the studio on the fourth Monday of every month. The show is streamed live
over the Internet 10-11 a.m. CST Mondays .
Listen to the live
broadcasts over the Internet at
http://www.radiofreenashville.org/. You can also listen to
the live broadcasts through your telephone via UPSNAP.COM. It's free for
wireless internet enabled phones, but there's a small monthly charge for
other phones. See the
Health At Every Size show website or the
Radio Free Nashville website
for details. Davidson County, Tennessee residents can also hear the show
live through the Secondary Audio Programming of Comcast cable's Channel
For more on the show, check out
the show blog at
http://www.healthateverysize.info. You can also listen to or download recordings of some of the shows,
including several with Pat, at
You can still hear the taped radio shows from Size Matters with
Veronica, WCRS Radio, on Pat's website.
discusses Pat's romance novels
Show #2 discusses women of size and their sexuality
And check out the photos from the Nov. 6, 2004 Mississippi Authors
Festival that are online at
The Pearlsong Letter
(Click on the Mississippi Authors Festival link under the "Photo Albums"
heading in the lefthand column of either blog to view the photos.) While
you're visiting, post a comment on the blog!
Give someone a good
read as well as support in loving themselves.
Pat's books make great gifts!
Register to win a free copy of the Pat
Ballard book of your choice at
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