The Queen's Proclamation




May 2011
News, updates, & pronouncements from Pat Ballard,
the Queen of Rubenesque Romances

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. 
Eleanor Roosevelt

Something to think about....

Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.
Henri Bergson

I've recently been experiencing a situation that reminds me of a joke I heard a long, long time ago. As the joke goes: One night, while a drunk was out driving his car, he ran into a truck. The truck driver insisted that the drunk pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

The truck driver took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told the drunk to stand in the middle of the circle and not get out of it. Furious, the trucker went over to the drunk's car and slashed the tires. The drunk started laughing.

This made the trucker angrier, so he smashed the windshield.

This time the drunk laughed even harder.

Livid, the trucker broke out all of the windows of the drunk's car.

The drunk is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver finally asks the drunk what’s so funny.

The drunk replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!

My husband, Joe, like many men (and some women) has to be in control of the remote control to the television, or the world as he knows it will come to an end. Usually I'm okay with this, but he has a really annoying habit of just getting up from watching TV and wandering into the kitchen while leaving the remote on the arm of his recliner. Again, I'm usually okay with this if he's coming right back. But on a fairly regular basis he'll think of something he wants to do somewhere else in the house, and might take 5, 10 or 15 minutes to get back to the living room.

In the meantime I'm sitting in my recliner, waiting for him to come back. The TV may or may not be muted, but at any rate, if I want to mute or unmute it I have to get up and go get the remote. Now that may not sound like a big deal, but it really annoys me. I mean, really annoys me, because I think it's inconsiderate. We've had several lively discussions about this, but he just can't seem to remember that this annoys me.

Recently he did his "absentminded professor thing," and I remembered the old remote control that we had to replace because some of the buttons were sticking and anything except instant gratification from his buttons annoys Joe. So I got the old remote and, sure enough, it still worked on the TV. YES!

For me, this has totally turned my state of being annoyed around. Because now I know that when he leaves the room I can mute or unmute the TV, and when he comes back, he never notices that it's not like it was when he left. And just for pure delight (insert "deviousness" here), I'll even change the channel sometimes, and he never notices that it's not on the channel he left it on. He'll just sit down and start watching whatever is on until he gets ready to go to another channel.. But I do make sure it's on a channel that he likes to watch.

I've gone from being annoyed to having to hold a magazine in front of my face as if I'm reading, so he can't see me laughing. I've even had to leave the room on several occasions because I knew I was going to get the giggles and give my "little secret" away.

So now when he leaves the room, I'm at total peace with the fact that I can do whatever I need to do to the TV. And like the drunk, I'm laughing my butt off, and my trucker doesn't know why, either.

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone has had a good start to May, and that all the mothers had a good Mother's Day. I requested a new bookshelf for Mother's Day and Joe built me one. I would have been content with an inexpensive store-bought one, but he chose to build one, and I'm totally happy with it.

Ten-year-old grandson Shaun, who seems to be an outstanding little baseball player, pitched a no-hitter game the other night. Son Eric said it was a perfect game, in that there were no foul balls or walking balls. No balls were hit.

Granddaughter Kayla has a chorus performance tonight that I plan to go to, and a dance recital on Saturday that Joe and I will attend.

My latest novel, Dangerous Love, should be available in June. You can check it out at

Everyone have a great May and a safe and happy Memorial Day.



Something To Think About: Reflections on Life, Family, Body Image & Other Weighty Matters by the Queen of Rubenesque Romances

Download it for free at


Visit Pat's Place at | Write me at

Click on the Bookbuzzr graphic (if visible on your computer screen) to browse an excerpt from Pat's book.

10 Steps to Loving Your Body
(No Matter What Size You Are)

Now available in PDF, Mobipocket & Kindle ebook format as well as original trade paperback!

As a young woman Pat Ballard almost died trying to starve her body into a societally approved size. In 10 Steps to Loving Your Body (No Matter What Size You Are) she shares the steps she created―and took―to heal the damage of years of dieting. Join her in celebrating size diversity, self esteem, positive body image, and health at every size.

Your body is a unique work of art.
There never has been, nor will there ever be,
another body just like yours.
Learn to love it and it will love you back.

More info at the Pearlsong Press website. (All copies of 10 Steps purchased from the Pearlsong Press website are autographed by Pat.)

You can also browse and share Bookbuzzr excerpts from 10 Steps to Loving Your Body, Something to Think About and Pat's other books online at


Weighty Matters

It seems that our lives are driven by one force these days. Our BMI (Body Mass Index). Our doctors judge us by it. Our children are judged by it in school. Every where we turn, we're coming face to face with something pertaining to our BMI, and we're considered "less than" if our BMI isn't "right."

Below is a wonderful article on the Body Mass Index craze by Keith Devlin.

Top 10 Reasons why the BMI is Bogus

1. The person who dreamed up the BMI said explicitly that it could not and should not be used to indicate the level of fatness in an individual.

The BMI was introduced in the early 19th century by a Belgian named Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet. He was a mathematician, not a physician. He produced the formula to give a quick and easy way to measure the degree of obesity of the general population to assist the government in allocating resources. In other words, it is a 200-year-old hack.

2. It is scientifically nonsensical.

There is no physiological reason to square a person's height (Quetelet had to square the height to get a formula that matched the overall data. If you can't fix the data, rig the formula!). Moreover, it ignores waist size, which is a clear indicator of obesity level.

3. It is physiologically wrong.

It makes no allowance for the relative proportions of bone, muscle and fat in the body. But bone is denser than muscle and twice as dense as fat, so a person with strong bones, good muscle tone and low fat will have a high BMI. Thus, athletes and fit, health-conscious movie stars who work out a lot tend to find themselves classified as overweight or even obese.

Read the rest here:

Reader Review of the Month

Editor's Note: Post a review of one of Pat's books
at an online bookstore, magazine, or public website, email us at proclamation @ to let us know, and we'll consider your review for inclusion in The QP

The following note was sent to Pat via email from Beverly Bishop:

Thank you so much for saving my sanity, I have your list of Ten Steps to Loving Your Body in my cube at work and in a frame hanging over my dresser!

Finally someone who has made me realize I am awesome the way I am. A weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I have never felt better about myself!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!


Browse and share excerpts from Pat Ballard's books online.

Listen to the mp3 recording of Pat, her fearless publisher, and several other Pearlsong Press authors in a Pearlsong Conversation about
creating fat friendly fiction and fat positive characters

Listen to a Feb. 11, 2009 Conversation with Pat Ballard
(blog post with link to 50-min mp3 recording of Pat talking about her journey to
self- and body-acceptance and -love, her writing process,
and why a truly Happy Valentine's Day and satisfying sex life
starts with loving your body,

no matter what it looks like.

Calendar of Events

Now available from Pearlsong Press—Pat's newest book, the nonfiction Something to Think About: Reflections on Life, Family, Body Image, & Other Weighty Matters by the Queen of Rubenesque Romances. It's a FREE PDF ebook that can be downloaded at or via the link at the beginning of this newsletter.

Pat is now co-hosting Radio Free Nashville's Health At Every Size show, which airs every Monday morning. The show is streamed live over the Internet 10-11 a.m. CST Mondays. You can also subscribe to the podcast of the show. Go to for more info, including archived recordings, or to subscribe.

You can also listen to or download recordings of many of the shows at

Ask your public library to add Pat's books to their collection!

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